My apologies, I have not been on here is SO long, mostly because my job has been keeping me crazy busy for a change and my school work for BU is really intense. So in short I will try to pick out the key points as to what has been going on:
1. Stephen
we broke up, I don't remember if I blogged about this or not. I AM ok. everyone asks me "how are you?" with that tone like I am automatically miserable, and I reply in the most upbeat and cheerful tone "I am great!" Stephen and I have not spoken however, and last week we saw each other for about 30 minutes, those 30 minutes were miserable for him, as he sat at the bar staring down at his drink. I left the shindig we were at so that he could have some fun. Tonight we will likely be in the same place, which should make things interesting because I'm done trying to be nice and let him feel comfortable. We share friends, he's going to have to learn to deal with it.
2. The new excitement/frustration
Remember my work hubby? I blogged about him a long time ago, the gym teacher who left to become a cop and i missed everyday on the reg....well, him and I have started dating, and its great, but the thing is now we are going through the crappy "games" of dating. I hate the games. I miss him SO much. At work, and just in general. I'm hoping something really good comes out of it, but today I woke up disappointed with the fact that we didn't hang out last ngiht, we were supposed to but with him in the police academy I think he got pressured by his boys to stay out with them. Which is understandable. Its the last 2 weeks for him, and I'm excited about his graduation and starting his new career.
3. My family
Brother is home, which is great because now I have back up when it comes to my mom, however things are just SO tense with my mom. I'm trying really hard to keep everything together, but I'm beginning to break. I just spoke to my dad about it and he said "I'm trying to ignore it now" because that's a good plan...right? no. its not. she needs help, I wish that family events weren't such a hassle and that merely eating dinner as a family wasn't something that i dread the way i do. its awful.
4. My job
I have become really frustrated with teaching. Between my middle schoolers, the lack of pay, the other teachers in the building and the parents, I'm not sure if this is really what I want to be doing right now. I have applied for jobs at a large performance venue/company I guess you'd call it, and now I'm just going to have to wait and see. But I'm really hoping it works out, I am so serious about leaving teaching and trying something different. I can always come back to teaching. That's how I'm looking at it.
5. My mental stability
So stephen had told me i needed to see a therapist, and i said "ok honey, if that's what you think will help" and he also told me that i should move out of my house, so i looked at apartments that i couldnt afford, and then he told me everything was my fault, but took that back finally when we broke up. I was really unstable for about 2 or 3 months when I was with him, it sucked, but I think i'm back on track. I'm back to my over thinking mode of course, but i think that's just how i am, that's not gonna change either. I never started seeing that therapist, and I have not moved out, but I am spending more time with my friends and going to different people to ddeal with different components of my life. I'm starting to get the hang of it.
I just want to send a special thank you to Abby, I opened my email a little while ago and saw that she had left me a comment. I'm gonna try to grab some time today and catch up on my favorite blogs. Abby, you always offer great advice and encouragement, though we've never met, I know we'd get along great. I really appreciate your thoughts about me, and I hope you know that I too think abotu you and your family all the time.
Another person I hope is doing well is Trace. I haven't kept up on your blog, but I do pray for you and your husband daily that you'll get what you two have been wishing for. I'll check up on your blog some time today hopefully.
Thank you to anyone and everyone who reads my blog. It means a lot. I'm off to get some school work done, and then get ready for tonight. I'll be back soon. Promise.
Some pictures for your entertainment:
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